Breathe
by varietyofwords
Summary: Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable. And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button now. So cradle your head in your hands. And breathe, just breathe. Samka
1. Chapter 1

Title: Breathe  
Season: Season 11

Summery: 'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button girl, so cradle your head in you hands. And breathe, just breathe. Samka

Disclaimer: The only think I own is my imagination. My parent's own everything in my room and those NBC peeps own ER. Anna Nalick owns the song…I don't even think I own the notebook this story was written in.

Author's Note: Something I thought of while listening to Breathe (2AM) by Anna Nalick.

Rating: T or PG-13

She chews her fingernails, something she hasn't done for quite some time. She sits on the toilet seat staring at the small stick that will tell her if she is or not. It takes her back ten years and she rests her head on the wall behind her as she remembers.

_She stares at her watch waiting for that finial minute to pass. It's close to two in the morning and when everyone one else is sleeping she is waiting to find out if her life is over. She sits on the toilet seat and leans her head against the wall behind her. She glances at the test again. The phone rest besides her waiting for her to dial Hannah's number and tell her the result. Her watch tells her it's time and she slowly unravels her body. She shakes as she crosses the small bathroom to the sink where the test lies waiting upside down. She counts to three before flipping it over and seeing that plus. She's pregnant. She wraps her hand around the test and grabs the phone. She knows what she has to do._

_The phone rings and I answer it quickly before my parents hear it. I hear the sound of crying on the other side and I know its Sam. I bite my lip and wait for her to tell me. _

"_Can you help me unravel this mistake?"_

_I hear her ragged breaths and my heart breaks. I mentally curse Steve and tell her I will. She asks me to keep it a secret and I tell her I always will. She says she's going to tell him but she wants me to go with her. I tell her I will. We hang up the phone before either of our parents finds out we're on the phone at two in the morning. I grab the phonebook of the floor next to me and I sit on the edge of the bathroom while looking for a place Sam can have an abortion. _

_I never thought I would be doing this. _

_I met her on the corner of Driftwood Drive and Beverly Avenue. We get on the bus together quietly and the ride is long. She has tears rolling down her face and when I ask her what's wrong she tells me Steve couldn't come because he had a gig and he didn't pay his half. I squeeze her hand and hand her the money I brought along with me. She may think he is her knight in shining armor but I know better. She smiles a small smile at me._

_When we walk into the small waiting room people stare at us with an accusing glance. Sam just keeps walking and she signs in. We sit together. _

"_Hypocrites," she says in a whisper to where only I can hear her. _

_I laugh a little because she's right. They have no right to do so. They're here for the same reason. They call her name but she doesn't stand up. She just sits there. _

"_I can't Hannah."_

_I nod and follow her out. _

She reaches out and picks up the test. Another plus sign glares back her.


	2. Chapter 2

_'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable  
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table  
No one can find the rewind button girl,  
So cradle your head in you hands  
And breathe, just breathe,  
Oh breathe, just breathe_

She wants to go back. Back to before she even suspected that she was pregnant. Back to before that thought even crossed her mind - although throwing those towels at Luka was fun. She heard Alex talking meaning that Luka is home. She quickly wraps the test up in toilet paper and drops it into the trashcan. She flattens the box the test came in and shoves it into the cabinet, making sure she places it behind the box of tampons. She takes a deep breath and leaves the bathroom. Alex and Luka were already eating when she sat down at the table.

"Has your headache gone away?" He asks her. She nods her head and puts a French fry in her mouth hoping that he will stop asking questions. But it doesn't. "What's wrong?" He asks.

"Nothing!" She screams back at him.

Alex stops eating and stares at her. Luka looks taken back by her response. She feels horrible now and she gathers her burger and fries. She heads to the fridge and grabs a bottle of water before leaving the room with her food, leaving her highly caffeinated soda behind.

She shut and locked the bedroom door behind her as tears threatened to fall from her eyes and she closed her eyes to keep them from doing so. She was defiantly pregnant and she felt horrible. She placed her food and water bottle on the bedside table before crawling into bed. There was a knock at the door and she knew it was him.

"Go away Luka."

"Sam…"

"Please Luka. Just go away." She hears his footsteps and him talking to Alex.

He's walked away from the door. She pulls her legs up to her chest and wraps her arms around them. She rests her forehead on her knees and cries.

She can't change things and she knows she'll never be able to go through with her other options. She can't change the way her life is going. She can't back things up. The only thing she can do is breathe.

He wants to go in but yet he doesn't want to upset her. She seems so lost in her own little world. He turns around and heads back to the couch where he plans to spend the night without her by his side. He scratches his five o'clock shadow as he strips down to his boxers and white undershirt. His clothes are in a pile on the floor and even though he normally cares, now he doesn't. He pulls the blanket up to his armpits and sighs as he closes his eyes. He wants to go fix this, whatever is bothering her.

"_Are you sure she didn't say anything to you when she got home?" He questions the child. Alex nods his head and Luka rubs his forehead at his response. "What did she do when she came home?"_

"_She went to your bedroom and changed. She helped me with my math homework. Then she went into the bathroom. Then you came home." Alex was obviously petrified by how his mother had acted. She hadn't acted that way in as long as he could remember. _

"_Okay. Finish your dinner and then go to bed." Alex walked away from him and Luka turned back to the door._

Sleep overcame him and he closed his eyes. But before he allowed himself to doze off, he silently hoped he could figure out what was bothering her.

She walked like a ghost down the hallway towards the kitchen. Trapped in her own little world she didn't response to Alex's greeting, instead she keeps walking. Her stomach was tied in knots and she didn't know how she was going to undo them. As she was pouring herself a glass of orange juice she hears Luka yell out to her:

"Sam I'm out of shaving cream."

She rolls her eyes. Men are so helpless.

"So?" She yells back at him.

"Where will I get some?" He asks her.

"Cabinet!" She tells him and takes a final swig of her juice. He must have found some because he doesn't say anything more.

He reaches over to place his empty shaving cream bottle in the trash can but when he drops it he misses. As he bends down to pick it up off the floor his free hand knocks some of her 'girly' things off the counter and onto the either the floor or into the waste basket. Groaning he bends down even further to pick the things off the floor and out of the wastebasket.

As he reaches to grab the last thing out of the trash can, he notices something wrapped in toilet paper lying on the floor behind the trash can. With two fingers he picked the corner of it up causing something that is long and white to fall out. The moment he looks at it he knows what it is. And he didn't need to be a doctor to do so. It was laying face down so with a trembling hand he reached out and picked it up. He didn't need to be a doctor to know what the blue plus meant.

"Hey are you almost done? I need to use it." Sam's voice came traveling over to him causing his thoughts to start to swirl. There is only person in this house that could be using one of these and it was her. "Luka?"

He stands up and reaches his full height. After taking a deep breath he turns around and faces her. "Luka are you okay?" She asks him, her voice full of worry.

He opens his palm and shows her what he found. Her faces falls and all you can hear is the sound of their heavy breathing.


	3. Chapter 3

He opens his palm and shows her what he found. Her faces falls and all you can hear is the sound of their heavy breathing as she stares at the white stick in his hand.

"Where did you find that?" She asks slowly.

She's scared out of her mind about him finding it.

"You're…you're…that is why you…pregnant."

She mumbles something under her breath as she snatches the test out of his open palm.

"Just forget about it." She says quietly as she turns to leave. His arm shoots out and wraps around her waist. She fights him as he pulls her to him.

"Forget about it! You're pregnant! I'm going to be a father in…"

"About eight months," she informs him quietly, her eyes darting to the floor.

"Eight months and you want me to forget that fact? I love you Sam but sometimes…" He bites his tongue already regretting what he's said so far.

"Sometimes what? Do you not like the fact I didn't tell you? I'm pregnant Luka! There, you happy? I told you."

She pushes herself out of his grasp forcefully.

"Sam…" He says lowering his voice to a normal level.

"I didn't even want Alex! Why would I want another child now?" She screams at him, her voice becoming louder with each word as she backs up against the wall.

It's silent for a moment but then the pounding of footsteps and the slamming of a door is heard through out the apartment. The moment the slamming is heard she starts sliding down the wall towards the floor. She regrets what she said. Everything.

She's crying now and he can't handle it. He bends down to her level and whispers something she can't understand but she does what he wants her to do. Together they stand up and she wraps her arms around his body. His arms wrap around her body and he kisses the top of her head, his eyes closing of their own accord.

"It's okay Sam."

She just keeps crying making his shirt damp with her tears.

After what seems like forever, she lets go him and goes to explain things to her son.

"Alex?" She says opening the door slowly.

"Go away!" He yells to her from his spot on his bed.

"Alex, please?" He doesn't say anything in response and she takes his silence as an okay to come in. "Alex I didn't mean it." She wants to talk it back. It's bad enough he is still down from Luka keeping him from going with his dad.

"Yes you did." He tells her. His back still to her. "No fifteen year-old wants a baby Mom. I'm not stupid." And he's right because she didn't want him when she first found out. But life without him now would kill her and his next comment almost did that. "I'm surprised you even kept me after you had me."

"I couldn't have done that Alex. Do you know how much I pain I would be in? I would have missed everything. From when you came home to your first day of kindergarten. To even now. And I'm sorry your father doesn't feel the same way," He flinched at the mention of his dad. "…but I wouldn't trade you for anything. You're everything to me. I would jump from a bridge for you."

"So we can go bungee jumping?" He says turning around to face her a grin beginning to form on his face.

"No!"

"But you just said…"

"I meant if you were in danger."

He smiles at her and she thanks God. Something she finds herself doing a lot lately. She snorts at the thought.

"What?" Alex asks her.

"You remember when Luka dragged us to that Catholic Church down the street for Christmas Eve?"

"Yeah," he said, his eyebrows furrowing at her in confusion.

"I think it got to me," she says laughing slightly at the thought of that night.

"_Why do we have to go again?" Alex asked her for the fifteenth time. _

"_Because Luka wants us to. Now go put on your suit."_

"_This is retarded Mom." He tells her as he leaves the room._

"_Retarded?" Luka asks as he snakes his arms around her and pulls her closer towards him. _

"_Stupid. Dumb. You know I can't put my make up on with you holding me like this."_

"_You don't need it," he tells her burying his head into her mass of curls, sniffing in the scent of her that he loves so much. _

"_You flatter me. But I need it. Trust me." He lets go of her and she turns around to face him. "But hey keep it up and you might get your Christmas present early." _

_The look of confusion on his face only last for about a second before he smiles. She laughs and leaves the bedroom for their bathroom. _

"Mom?" Alex says interrupting her thoughts.

"Yeah Alex."

"If you love me so much why don't you want another baby?"

"Alex, please." He drops the subject and returns to reading his magazine. "Are we cool?" She asks him before leaving the room.

"Yeah. But I want a brother," he tells her with a huge grin on her face.

"Sorry Alex but there's nothing I can do if it's a girl." She informs him as she leaves the room.

As she's walking down the hall she runs into Luka. Literally runs into him and as he catches her in his arms he says:

"Why?"


	4. Chapter 4

As she's walking down the hall she runs into Luka. Literally runs into him and as he catches her in his arms he says:

"Why?"

"I…We need to get going or else we're going to be late for work." He lets go of her and she practically runs away from him. "Alex let's go!" She yells as she heads to the bathroom to pull her unruly hair up into a pony tail.

Fifteen minutes later she's sitting in the car with Alex and Luka in total silence. Alex is playing with his Gameboy and Luka is concentrating on the road. She drums her fingers on the arm rest of the car door as the car speeds down the road towards Alex's school. She sighs because of her boredom and leans forward to turn on the radio. But as she is monkey-ing with the buttons and knobs, Luka slams on the brakes and uses one of his hands to push her body back against the back of her seat. Her whole body went numb as the car slammed into the side of the other car. The crunching of metal filled her ears and it seemed as if the world had stopped.

"Sam, are you okay?" He asked, his voice filled with concern as he stood beside her after quickly exiting the car.

She nodded her head and pain was sent shooting up and down her neck.

She whimpered.

"What? Is it the baby?" His hand automatically went to her stomach but she shook her head.

"No it's my neck. How's Alex?" She asked him.

Sunlight hit her eyes as Luka stepped aside to unbuckle her seat belt.

"I'm fine Mom."

She turned her head to search for where the voice had come from. She saw Alex standing by the open passenger door. As soon as her seat belt shot back into place, Sam slid out of the car but when she stood up she had to grab onto Luka's arm. Luka grabbed onto her body, his strong arms keeping her on her feet.

"What's wrong?" He asks clearly alarmed, his eyes darting up and down her body checking for any signs of an injury.

"Nothing. I'm just a bit dizzy."

"Here let's set you down on the curb."

He helped her walk over to the curb and she sat down. That's when she first got a look at the other car. The side of it was crushed in and a clearly pregnant woman had blood trickling down her head while her husband stood beside where she sat on the curb.

"Luka go help that woman," she commanded. Luka hesitated. The boyfriend and expectant father part of him told him to stay but the doctor part of him told him to help the woman who was clearly more hurt. "Go Luka."

He nodded and walked over to the woman and the man.

"Are you okay?" The man nodded and turned his attention back to his wife. "Here let me take a look at the cut." He bent down and started to take a look at the woman's cut but the woman's husband pushed him away.

"I don't need some foreigner touching my wife," he spat as he glared at Luka.

"I'm a doctor."

"Ryan let him help."

"Fine."

The man nodded and Luka started to look at her cut.

"Have you called 911 yet?" He asked the man as he applied pressure to the woman's cut.

"Yeah they should be here soon."

"_Luka!_" His head whipped around when he heard Alex yelling for him.

Sam was lying on the ground on her side. He felt his blood run cold in his body.

"Keep applying pressure." He told the couple as he ran back to Sam.

**TBC….**


	5. Chapter 5

"Luka put me down."

He shakes his head 'no' and continues to carry her to their bedroom. He fumbles with the doorknob and almost drops her as he opens the door. He places her gently on the bed and she pulls herself up into a sitting position.

"Luka I'm fine. Go to work."

"No," he tells her as he turns his head away from her.

"Luka…Hey look at me." He turned back to her. "I'm fine. Alex is fine. The…the baby is fine."

He bends down and kisses her and leans his forehead against hers when he pulled back.

"I know just…Just don't do that again," he mutters.

"I won't. I promise," she whispers in his ear as he pulls his lips away from her forehead.

She grabs his ties and pulls him towards her for a kiss. Their lips pull away and Luka takes a step back.

"I am going to go call the hospital."

She nods her head and pulls the comforter from underneath her.

She yawns and looks at the clock. 11:03. She grabs the clock off the bedside table. She's slept for three _hours_. She slides out of bed and wraps a blanket around herself. After making sure the blanket doesn't drag on the floor she leaves the bedroom and finds Luka asleep on the couch with ESPN on. 'So this is luging.' She thinks to herself after watching it for a few minutes.

"What are you doing up?" He asks her quietly, opening his sleepy eyes.

"Do you want some soup?"

"I'll do it," he tells her getting up off the couch.

"I can do it, Luka," she tells him dropping the blanket she was holding onto the floor and heading to the kitchen.

He follows her closely behind and stops her from getting a can of soup out of the cabinet.

"Luka," She says between her clenched teeth.

"Sam…" he complains lightly, dropping his head.

"Stop it Luka. I can do it myself."

"I'm just trying to help Sam," he says taking a few steps away from her.

"Get out Luka!"

"All I'm trying to do is help you! You really scared me today."

Her eyes watered up and he found her in his arms before he knew it.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know you're trying to help but I need my independence Luka."

"Okay. You need independence."

She nods her head against his chest.


	6. Chapter 6 Part 1

_**Flashback**_

"_Don't tell her Abby." _

"_Luka I can't do that. I'm required to tell her that her baby is in risk."_

"_It's my baby too. Please, don't tell her."_

"_Luka, I'm required to tell her."_

"_Then let me." _

"_Okay…but you **have** to tell her."_

"_I will. I'm going to go and tell her goodbye before I go pick up some fresh clothes for her."_

"_I'll keep an eye on her for you."_

"_Thanks Abby." _

"_Just- please tell her."_

"_I will."_

_**End of Flashback**_

"Hey what are you doing out here?" He turns to where the voice came from and sees her. Her hair blows in the wind, casting a few strands across her face and he feels guilty as he watches her beauty, his eyes drifting down to her stomach.

_Really_ guilty.

"Just thinking," he tells her hoping she'll buy it.

"I'm fine Luka."

He nods his head telling her he knows but she doesn't know everything. He reaches out and pulls her close to his body, wanting to hide her from the atrocities in the world – she doesn't deserve any of this. She buries her head in his chest, inhaling his scent and sighs in its comforting warmth.

_**Flashback**_

"_Abby can I talk to you outside?" Susan asks her, indicating the door with her head. _

"_Sure." _

"_She's spotting."_

"_What?"_

"_Did you know she was pregnant?"_

"_No."_

"_Ask Luka to double check and then tell her."_

"_Okay."_

"_Luka - is Sam…pregnant?"_

"_Yes. Why? Did something happen to the baby?"_

"_We're just making sure she hadn't already miscarried."_

"_Please don't…"_

"_There's just some spotting. It was probably caused by the accident." He stares at Sam who is lying on the gurney. "I'm going to go tell her and then you can see her."_

"_Don't tell her Abby," he pleads._

"Luka I can't do that. I'm required to tell her that her baby is in risk."

"It's my baby too. Please, don't tell her."

"Luka, I'm required to tell her," she repeats.

"Then let me."

"Okay…but you **have **to tell her."

"I will. I'm going to go and tell her goodbye before I go pick up some fresh clothes for her."

"I'll keep an eye on her for you."

"Thanks Abby."

"Just- please tell her."

"I will."

_**End of Flashback**_

"Sam I need to tell you something," he murmurs and his voice is thick with pain.

She pulls away from him and looks up expectantly, her eyes filled with question.


	7. Chapter 6 Part 2

"Sam I need to tell you something," he murmurs and his voice is thick with pain.

She pulls away from him and looks up expectantly, her eyes filled with question. He remains silent unsure how to put into words what it is he is trying to say.

"Sorry…kept…you need know… spotting… I…baby… not… fault… your… please… not… volim te."

She closes her eyes half knowing what he is trying to tell her and the other part of her not wanting to understand what it is he is saying to her. She glances up at him but he won't meet her eyes.

"Luka I can't understand you."

He bites his lip, something, he notes, he has pick up from her.

"I…You were spotting and I never told you."

The world around her starts to spin and her knees seem unable to support her any longer. He reaches out to try to steady her but she backs away from him, until her back hits the metal railing.

"How could you not tell me?" She says in a whisper as if she doesn't believe what he's saying.

She doesn't want to believe that he wouldn't tell her. He's better than that. Or at least she thought he was.

"Sam…" He murmurs but she shakes her head 'no' and turns away from him because she doesn't want to hear his explanation.


	8. Chapter 7

A/N- Okay I am not a doctor so just excuse all medical info. I don't even know if it can happen. But anyways on with the story.

_Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,  
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.  
No one can find the rewind button boys,  
So cradle your head in your hands,  
And breathe, just breathe,  
Whoa breathe, just breathe_

"Sam…" He murmurs but she shakes her head 'no' and turns away from him because she doesn't want to hear his explanation.

"Mom! Luka! Are you home?"

Alex. She takes a deep breath and leaves him standing out on the balcony lost for words.

"Come on Alex," she tells him barely above a whisper. She is still stunned. Stunned that he would _ever _keep this from her.

"Where are we going?" Alex asks her defiantly.

She doesn't say anything. All she does is grab her car keys and her bag from the couch and head towards to the door. Alex looks back to Luka out on the balcony, he looks defeated and distraught. Alex looks to his mother and he knows she did this to him, but he still follows her out the door and out of the apartment.

--

As they pull into the hospital parking lot, he turns to his mother with a raised eyebrow.

"What are we doing here?"

"I need to do something."

"Why couldn't I stay home with Luka?"

"Alex, please!" He shuts up and turns away from her as she turns off the engine. They get out of the car at the same time and head to the hospital, ten meters separating them.

--

"Abby can I speak to you?" She asks the brown haired doctor who had become one of her friends.

"Sure, Sam."

They leave Alex sitting in the doctor's lounge and stand outside of the door together.

"Why didn't you tell me about…?" She bites her lip instead of continuing.

"What? I…Luka promised me he would."

"Oh, he did. But not until this afternoon."

"Sam I am so sorry. He promised me he would."

Sam sighs and brushes a piece of hair away from her face, before scrubbing her hand down her left cheek.

"Can you…can you set me up an appointment with OB?" Abby nods and leaves Sam standing by herself with nothing but her thoughts for company.

"Mom what's going on?" Her head whips around and she looks at her son, not so alone as she thought.

"Alex…there's…I'm just getting the baby checked out. Make sure he or she is healthy."

"Then what did Luka keep from you?"

"Sam, you can go up now."

--

"Hello Sam. I'm Doctor Colburn. Let's check you out." She nods her head and lies back on the table. "So you've been spotting?"

"Yes. I was in a car accident this morning and when I came to the hospital I was spotting."

"Okay."

--  
"Sam…we need to talk."

--

Alex walks through the door, his eyes wet. Sam follows him but she refuses to look at Alex or him. She leaves him and Alex standing in the living room and she heads to the bedroom. All she wants to be is alone. Away from him and away from Alex. Hell, she wants to be away from herself.

"Sam?" He says knocking on the door.

"Go away Luka. Please just go away."

But he doesn't. She knows he can't. He opens the door and walks into the room, slowly moving towards her.

"Sam what happened? What's wrong?"

"I…I…it's gone."


	9. Chapter 8

"I…I…it's gone."

He couldn't breathe. Gone? All of his happiness was gone. If he had just told her then they could have been at the hospital and put a stop to all of this. Instead, he sat here holding her and trying to hold in his own emotions.

His shirt becomes wetter and wetter as she let the tears roll down her face and onto his shirt. As she want is to go back into time and stop all of this. She takes deep breaths and whispers:

"I'm so sorry."

But he doesn't respond and she pulls away from him. He blames her. And she blames herself. It is her fault. "Please don't be mad at me Luka," she says her voice cracking with every word she utters.

"How can I be mad at you?" He says quietly, not loud enough to break the unbearable silence in the room. Without waiting for her answer, he pulls her back to him and she stays there crying for her baby. A tear breaks the walls he has up and it falls down his face into her golden hair.

_There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout  
But you're just as far in as you'll ever be out  
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again  
If you only try turning around._

There is nothing he can do to drown out his suffering. He's too young to drink and eating a bunch of sweets will only hurt his mother even more.

He was going to be a big brother. Teach his little brother how to skate board. And if it was a girl, he was going to keep his sister safe. Now? Now he doesn't have that chance.

There is no baby.

And it wasn't anyone's fault. Even that stupid driver that had crashed into them didn't cause it. She had already started to lose the baby by the time they got in the car. He can hear her crying downstairs with Luka.

Picking up his math book, he throws it across the room, crashing into the wall and it falls to the floor with a thump, landing wide open.

He needs to blame someone. And he chooses himself.


	10. Chapter 9

"Alex do you want a ride to school?"

"No, I'd rather walk," Alex says coldly toward Luka.

"Fine. I'll see you when you get home."

He grabs his stuff and turns back into his and Sam's bedroom to tell her goodbye. He doesn't want to go to work today but they need him and he needs to help people to take his mind off what happened to them.

Alex walks out of the apartment and walks down the steps. This is all his fault. Every bit of it. He has really screwed up his mother's life. He stops outside of the apartment building and stares up at the window of his mom and Luka's bedroom. She was still crying and Luka had his arms wrapped around her. And that's when he made his decision. He was going to leave. He turned and instead of going in the direction of his school, he went to opposite way.

--

"Hold on," Jerry said into the phone. "Doctor Kovac it's for you."

"Doctor Kov…" He could hear crying through the phone.

Sam.

"Luka, Alex is missing." She says between sobs.

"What?"

"The school called. He didn't show up today."

"I'll be right there Sam. You're still at the apartment, right?"

"Yeah," she says while taking a deep breath.

He hangs up the phone and as he runs out into the ambulance bay and it feel like time has stopped. Rain beats down on him, soaking his clothes as he heads to the parking garage. By the time he gets into the car he's soaked from head to toe, his hair plastered to his forehead, his lab coat and shirt sticking to his body.

She couldn't leave: Luka had her car, since his is in the shop. The EL doesn't reach Alex's school and the cops are supposed to come here.

"Sam?"

Luka. 

He hurries over to the couch and she falls into his arms. He holds her not asking questions and just repeating that they will find him. Over and over.

"We'll find him Sam, we'll find him..."


	11. Chapter 10

_Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,  
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table  
No one can find the rewind button now  
Sing it if you understand.  
And breathe, just breathe  
whoa breathe, just breathe,  
oh breathe, just breathe._

"Miss Taggart what was your son wearing today?"

"I…I…I…" The detective furrows his brow at her with a disapproving look.

"Blue shirt, kaki pants," Luka tells the detective.

The detective writes it down in his little black book. She feels horrible. She was so wrapped up in her own pain that she didn't even know what her son was wearing that day. What sort of mother was she? How could she even think about bringing another child into the world when she couldn't even look after the one she had?

"Okay. We'll call you if we have anything."

She looks at them in horror.

"Aren't you going to go out and look for him?" She asks them.

"Ma'm we are doing the best we can."

"No you're not: if you were you'd be out looking for him," she almost yells in defiance.

"The best thing you can do is stay home and see if he comes home while iwe/i do our job," he tells the worried couple.

With that, he gets up and lets himself out of their apartment.

She watches the front door for a few minutes but this won't cut it for her while Luka stands.

"I can't sit here and wait Luka - I need to go look for him."

But he already knew that and he stood by her with their jackets in his hand. She smiles meekly at him and grabs it from his hand and they leave.

--

The rain beats down on the windshield of her car. She looks out the window at the gloomy daytime sky. All she wants is Alex back. She'd give everything up if she could have him back. The clock on the dashboard tells her they've been searching for three hours.

And still nothing.

--

He sighs. There's nothing he can do to find him. They've been driving around for hours and it's getting darker and darker.

Where would he go?

They've already tried the mall, the hospital, and all of Alex's other favorite places. Hell they even tried the _zoo_!

And then it hits him. Alex loves skateboarding. And his favorite place to go is to the skate park at Riverview Park. He speeds up and makes a u-turn.

She doesn't understand why he did that until he turns to her and says, "Skate Park." And she loves more than she could ever have known she was able too. She grips onto the handle as they swerve between the cars.

--

She gets out of the car and starts to run towards the middle of the park where the skate park is. Rain beats down on her but she keeps running. Her damp hair lays flat on her back and her hood is crumpled underneath it. She used to care but all she cares about now is screaming his name in hopes of finding him.

"ALEX!"

People walking by her give her weird looks but all she cares about is finding him. And when she reaches the edge of the park she stops. She doesn't see him anywhere. She feels a hand grip her shoulder. She looks up at Luka.

"Over there," he tells her and she turns her body in order to see a small shape sitting on bench. His backpack. His coat.

"ALEX!" She screams and the head raises up. It's him.

He slides off the bench and they start running towards one another. It feels like an eternity, but when she finally reaches him she holds him tighter than she's ever held anyone before.

"Don't ever do that again," were the first words that came out of her mouth. Tears roll down her face mixing with the rain drops that are hitting her face.

"I won't," he tells her and she bends down so that she can see his face. His hair is wet and he shivers.

"I love you Alex."

"I love you too," he tells her wrapping his arms around her neck, clinging to her tighter than he ever had before.

"You scared me."

He nods and she wraps her arms around him even tighter.

"Why would you ever do that Alex?"

"It's my fault you lost the baby."

"No it's not Alex," Luka's voice tells them both. "It's not your fault. And it's not your mom's or my fault. It's nobody's fault."

Alex lets go over of Sam and he hugs Luka.

--

A sneeze is heard throughout the apartment and Sam hands him the tissue box. But as soon as she does she sneezes too.

"Thanks a lot Alex!" They say in unison, sniffing slightly.

"You're welcome," he tells them after removing the thermometer from his mouth.

"Put that back in you mouth, mister," Sam tells him gently.

"At least I get to stay home and watch movies with you guys," he laughs at them both as he puts the thermometer back in his mouth. Sam smiles and pushes the play button the remote.

**THE END**


End file.
